WASHINGTON, D.C.—Health officials have raised serious concerns about the state of Press Secretary Jen Psaki's health after she revealed in a briefing that she "has trouble keeping up with Biden."
"This is bad-- really, really bad," said health expert Dr. Hans Gundersen to the press. "Biden is in really bad shape. We're not even sure Biden is legally still alive right now, or what exactly is holding him together or animating his limbs and causing sounds to come out of his mouth. It's a total mystery. I have fewer concerns about the health of the possum I ran over in my car this morning than I do with Biden. It's really, really not good. What was I even talking about? Oh yeah-- Psaki. If she's having trouble keeping up with that guy, then she's in serious trouble health-wise."
Several other doctors have come forward, diagnosing Psaki with a host of possible conditions, including chronic fatigue syndrome, acute liver and kidney failure, fibromyalgia, multiple sclerosis, or chronic obstructive pulmonary disease.
"Any of these could be the cause of Paski having issues keeping up with Biden," said Gundersen.
Psaki is being urged to check herself into the White House Medical Unit as soon as possible.
"Please Jen! Before it's too late!" said Gundersen.
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