U.S.—Usually silent on the issues of the day, Abraham Lincoln made a rare address today officially distancing himself from the anti-Trump Lincoln Project.
"Look, I never consented to my image or name being used by these grifters," said the reanimated president, brushing dirt off his clothes. "I usually just trust God to sovereignly guide America, but even I had to chime in on this one. These guys have nothing to do with me or my values."
President Lincoln further stated he is suing The Lincoln Project for using his name without his express written permission and dragging his name through the mud when it turned out the people raising tens of millions of dollars to beat Trump weren't actually of the best moral character.
He added that he's not really sure why these people are so anti-Trump. "Honestly, Trump is kinda my dude," he added. "I love when he slams the journalists. Hate those guys." He added though that he wished Trump would have started at least one war.
Warning!! Satire!! Many a truth has been spoken in jest.