I hate to read what you are going through. While I don’t know all the particulars, it makes me so sad to think you have to miss a very important moment in your daughter’s life. I’ve never been in a situation like yours, so anything I could say could be worthless. My daughter is only seven years old. I have no idea of the heck and pain your family has been though to be where it is today. Is there even a snowballs chance that you, your daughter and your ex can meet somewhere to talk? What about if you showed up at your daughter’s doorsteps (with flowers…flowers are good here
) and take her to dinner and spill every emotion you have to her? Everything. No holding back.When I got married, we had scheduled my wedding at a time when both of my older sisters couldn’t get off work. I knew that ahead of time but didn’t change. There’s no animosity between us but I didn’t change the date because I was so naive. They are missing in my wedding pictures and it makes me disgusted to this day. They never asked me to change the day because I know they just wanted me to be happy. But oh how I wish they would have or that I wouldn’t have been so blind by something so simple that would affect me for years to come. Everyone’s grandmother usually has some type of saying and mine would say, “Life is not a dress rehearsal.” I sincerely hate to imagine any types of regrets that you or your daughter might have. Whether it’s wedding photos or you missing out of the sweetest honors/memories of walking your daughter down the aisle. Just as important, missing out on two loving grandparents being there.
I think it’s very honorable that you want to do what makes her happy. But is it just what makes her happy or what’ll make her mother happy? My husband’s mother and dad divorced after 25 years of marriage and his dad remarried. It was terrible planning our kid’s birthday parties here and there. My husband, his sister, and his parents had a meeting. Ever since then, they both attend birthdays at the same time. They don’t talk to each other and remain civil for the kids and grandkids. I have noticed a difference in the relief that my husband and SIL have when they all get together or try to make plans for getting together.
I wish you the best and peace with whatever you and your daughter decide. And if this is nothing you want to hear, just overlook it.