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my dog got out of the fence and ran off.....

she stayed gone about three days. i was worried sick. i roamed my neighborhood and searched for her every evening... below, a story i have been reluctant to tell...... until now!

well, it all started on a sunday morning... the yard had been freshly mowed and, unknown to me, the backyard gate was ajar.
i let the sweet angel out around 9AM. she likes to sleep in on the weekends. she's never been away from home for more than a couple of hours at the vet before. so, around 10AM i realized she was still out back. i went to let her in but she was gone. i immediately began the search... i roamed the neighborhood most of the day. that night, i decided she must be in the woods behind the house and lost. i hopped in the jeep and began to prowl the back gravel/dirt roads through the woods, stopping periodically to yell for the sweet angel... after about 2 hours, around 11pm, i decided to stop in a huge field and just listen for her. that's when everything went crazy....
at first,  i thought it was a bad acid flashback... then i caught a faint whiff of "charlie"... followed by some guttural moan. i KNEW it was a Skunk Ape/Sasquatch. next i heard the click of a bic and the stench of a virginia slim, menthol of co****!  i tried to get in the jeep, but i could hear the large beast nearing so i just ran! i ran like there was no tomorrow... i ran like a geddon!
 i managed to lose the hefty beast by running down a creek and jumping across some rocks! i think she lost my scent when i doubled back and crossed the creek! Either that or she was just too fat to keep up.
i carefully made my way back to the jeep. i jumped every time i heard a twig snap! all the while, my heart felt as if it were about to jump out of my chest. then, i realized i had my phone with me. i called my cousin, i'll call her M for safety’s sake, the Skunk Ape expert. she's also an expert on squirrels, but she was born in Pascagoula! together, we hatched a plan... she would go get the jeep, while i distracted the beast. M is very quick and agile. i was built for comfort, not speed.  after circling back to where i lost the ole girl, i found her... leaned up against a tree... one foot propped on the tree... inhaling  virginia slim.  i threw a rock to get her attention... little did i know, throwing rocks at one another is a mating ritual for the skunk ape.
as the first rock struck the heinous beast, she let out a howl that could have awakened the dead. like she was calling for reinforcements! next thing i know, there are more beasts, everywhere!  M had told me about covering my scent, so i covered myself in mud and started trying to find my way back to the jeep. i had the jeep in my sights when all hell broke loose.
there were sasquatchi everywhere! there only seemed to be one male and he was barking, what i assumed, were orders to the others... they seemed to respond to the orders for a minute and another large female started bellowing and the apes would started doing something different. the male then beat his chest and proclaimed his importance and the beasts would swap again...
this continued for about 30 minutes until most of the animals just lumbered off. however, three stayed behind. the pot-bellied male and two very ugly females... the smaller of the two had a leathery appearance, especially around the neck and *******. the other female was HUGE! almost as big as the earth itself!  the large female and the male were engaged in a battle for dominance and the female was winning!
the third seemed distracted... she was drawing what resembled a crude rendering of a dog in the dirt and barely paying attention the to the other two.
that's when i saw my break... i sprinted ,with all the energy i had left, at the jeep... just then, the male spotted me...
i'm sure he felt threatened. he immediately began beating his chest and trying to establish his control over the other two.
he was making lewd gestures toward me. i believe he was trying to get the other two to attack. he never made a move, just ordering the others to do his bidding.  while he was making this display... i managed slip in the jeep and i was GONE!
since then, i've heard that low moan late at night!! it makes my blood curl!!!

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Originally Posted by renecillo7:

T.B.G. Here let me help you out! Whatever that was that you got a hold of, it was a bad batch! Just throw out the entire batch and start over!

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Tbg, alert!!!!!!!!!!!! Not everyone does dope or knows the language. I’m one that has never done drugs or smoked pot. Not the first joint.

You are trapped in a world that you think everyone is a part of buddy. Wake up. There are some of us that can say NO!!! get yourself cleaned up.

Write some funny stories. I was actually bragging on your talent fool.

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