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WORLD — Banana republics from across the globe have begun to feel a bit bad for the United States, and wondering if perhaps they ought to do something to help.

"It's sad. I mean we have sham trials here too, but at least we have bananas," said dictator Omar Carrillo. "I just really feel for them, you know?"

According to sources, several banana republics have begun to express concern that the corruption in America has gotten out of hand. "When we do show trials to destroy opposition candidates, we still charge them with crimes that at least exist. I mean, come on," said General Jose Cavazos. "We also at least pretend that justice was done, instead of just smirking at the press and walking away. That's so mean-spirited, right? We at least give our population false hope instead of just spitting in their faces." At publishing time, the banana republics had decided to help America by sending troops to help monitor the election for fairness, and also a bunch of bananas.

Babylon Bee

Desperation met stupidity on the corner of bad luck and despair, and the democratic party was born.

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Picture of Elegance Blog: The President’s Desk

NEW YORK, NY — Following his felony conviction on 34 counts, former President Trump has officially been sentenced to four years of confinement in an oval-shaped cell in the heart of Washington, DC.

"Trump will begin serving his sentence on approximately January 20, 2025," announced news anchor Nichole Wallace. "An entire team of law enforcement officers dubbed 'Secret Service' will monitor Trump for the entire duration of his four-year sentence. In addition to being in an oval cell, Trump will be required to perform community service such as host heads of nations, sign bills into law, and pardon turkeys on Thanksgiving."

Legal experts state that Trump will be allowed to have visitors in the oval-shaped room, as well as access to a phone. "Four years is a long time for what's supposed to be a misdemeanor, but the people have spoken," said legal analyst John Carmichael. "Trump better get used to the idea of four years of hard time in a carpeted, oval room with oddly terrible furniture."

At publishing time, Trump had reportedly also been sentenced to a fine of negative fifty million dollars.

Babylon Bee

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