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Jeez! I would have thought this story would have died down by now, but it just keeps rearing it’s ugly head up!
I guess you can’t run from your past. I ‘FESS UP!…It’s was MINE!…well, “ours”.

OK, the story begins in the summer of ‘78. Me, Jimmy , Barry, (names changed to protect the guilty) my little bother, and Jimmy’s dog were sittin’ around in Jimmy’s “Ol Mans” garage. We were tossin’ back a few beers, lookin’ at old issues of Playboy, an’ talkin’ cars an’ women, an’ tryin’ at’ decide whether ta’ siphon some gas from tha’ “Ol Mans” truck ta’ cruise tha’ strip that night, when we discovered the “Ol Mans” hidden stash of Jim Beam.
After several tugs-o-the-bottle…an’ much silence…well, there was a little bit of coughin’, Jimmy suddenly remarked “Ya’ll wanna build a machine gun?”
So, havin’ nothin better to do, it seemed like a good idea. After all, Jimmy had taken a weldin’ class at Allen Thornton trade school back in tha’ days, an’ I had handled guns all my life.
After lookin’ thru several issues of “Sgt. Rock” comic books, we came up with a good picture of a Browning Machine gun for our blueprint. Wasn’t hard building’ one after that.
We gathered up an old metal US Army ammo box for tha’ reciever. One’ah his “Ol Mans” staple guns... which Jimmy welded ah’ 16 penny nail to tha’ plunger for’ use as ah’ trigger an’ firin’ pin. We then snatched one ah’ Jimmy’s Mom’s shower curtain rods (the little one…ya know…that holds tha’ clear curtain, not tha’ big one) for a barrel.
Then we fount part of a Suzuki dirt bike muffler, an’ 6 Briggs an’ Stratton lawn mower mufflers, all with vents,in a pile behind tha' garage, which Jimmy professionally welded together ta’ form tha’ barrel shroud. After a coat ah’ NAPA high heat flat black engine paint, we had us ah’ pretty good looker!
Next day, we loaded up for a float down on tha’ creek. Canoe had’a bunch ah’ engine parts, oil cans, etc. innit, so we took tha “Ol Mans” flat bottom, cooler fulla‘ beer, another bottle of Beam (purchased from Miss Inez‘s Emporium) an‘ some potted meat an chips. Started out somewhere up in Tennessee.
Float down was goin’ good. Shootin’ suckers and empty beer cans with our .22’s. Smokin’. Enjoyin’ nature.
Then, it was time ta’ fire our “machine gun“. We had made ah’ stand for it outta’ ah’ c-clamp an’ my “Ol Mans” camera tripod.
After goin’ thru several difernt calibers of shells we brought, we fount that a .30-30 shell fit tha’ “barrel”…almost. Just ah’ little slack. So, Jimmy loaded ‘er up! Everthang went purty good…ready…aim…fire!
Well, it was the “fire” part that did us in…we had installed the stapler/trigger/firin’pin nail in backwards. When “Ol Jimbo” pulled tha’ trigger, tha’ firin’pin/nail combo shot out tha’ back ah tha’ ammo can/reciever straight inta’ Jimbo’s “privates” causing him to howl out in pain…scarin’ tha’ crap (PC correct term) outa us…losin’ his center of gravity, an’ tipping tha’ flat bottom over. Dumping us, our machine gun, the cooler (still occupied with beer an’ Beam…potted meat, etc) inta’ tha’ creek!
Well, we all went after rescuein’ tha’ cooler, an’up righted tha ’boat. We dove for tha’ machine gun ah’ couple ah’ times…but as nobody could hold their breath more than 5 seconds, an’ were afraid that somebody would “sneak swipe” their shot-o-Beam while they were “under” we gave up.
SO! That should put to rest the “Pusser Machine Gun” rumors…an’ all of the related 9,000 posts!
It was NEVER associated with killin, State Line Mob, Pusser, or any ambush.
Probably tha’ only thang it ever harmed, or scared, was if it bumped a few fish on it’s way down…or landed on ah bottom dwelling turtle!

Whew! Feel better now I got that off ma’ chest…

Wha’? Don’t believe tha’ story? Well, crap! (PC correct) look at all tha’ “other” posts!
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This is absolutely true!!! My brother is "Barry" and this is very similar to the story he tells!!! He even has a scar on his arm where the cooler hit it when it went in the water- you remember those old metal coolers don't you? Daddy is still pissed!!! BTW- I didn't think your younger brother would be involved in these things.....

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