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CHICAGO—Mayor Lori Lightfoot made a public announcement, urging Chicagoans to get the COVID vaccine to keep everyone safe while they are shooting each other this weekend.

“This pandemic is far from over, and we want to make sure that everyone is safe while they gun down half of their neighbors in broad daylight this weekend,” Lightfoot said in a press conference. While Lightfoot allowed some limited activities to resume in the past months, she is urging everyone to get vaccinated so that they are protected from COVID while they are shooting each other in their faces.

While many activities saw a decline in interest during the pandemic, shooting other human beings maintained its great popularity in Chicago, despite the fact that Lightfoot banned shooting people last year. Murders were up 50% in Chicago in 2020 and continued on that trend early this year. “We’ve reconciled to the fact that Chicago is just going to do Chicago and that involves mass murders almost every weekend,” Lightfoot said. “We are just going to make sure that people are properly vaccinated so that they don’t harm anyone while they’re popping caps on that a**.”

Lightfoot has taken 100% responsibility for blaming others for the increase in crime.

“It’s Trump’s fault. And racism,” Lightfoot said.

Last edited by Jutu
Original Post

Past stories:

CHICAGO – At least 35 people were shot, including 7 fatally, over the Labor Day weekend in Chicago, a decrease in violence, evidently caused by gang bangers taking the Labor Day holiday off.

CHICAGO – At least 72 people were shot, including 12 fatally, over the weekend in Chicago, another eruption of violence in a city that has struggled with murders and shootings, but none of the perpetrators wrote racist anti-immigration manifestos so no one cares.

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