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Hi to all my Forum Friends,

Yesterday, when I posted a wee bit of humor titled "Answered Prayer!" -- my two most devoted fans became upset that it mentioned an atheist.   So, just to prove I am an equal opportunity joker -- I now submit my Baptist jokes.


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THE ALABAMA BAPTIST DOG


A farmer lived alone in the Alabama countryside except for a pet dog which he doted on.  The dog finally died and the farmer went to the local preacher, saying "Pastor, my dog is dead.  Could you possibly say a few words for the poor creature?"

The preacher told the farmer, "No, we can't have services for an animal in the church.  But I tell you what, there's a new denomination down the road apiece, and no telling what they believe in.   Maybe they'll do something for the animal."

The farmer humbly told told the Baptist pastor, "Thank you, pastor. I'll go right now.  By the way, do you think $50,000 is enough to donate for the service?"

The preacher grabbed the man's arm, and with a huge smile, asked him, "Why didn't you tell me your dog was a Baptist?"


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A PENTECOSTAL BAPTIST DOG?


A Baptist couple felt it important to own an equally Baptist pet.  So they went shopping at a kennel specializing in Baptist dogs.  They found one dog they really liked.  As a test, they told the dog to fetch the Bible; he did it in a flash.  Then, they instructed him to look up Psalm 23.  Once again, he did this equally fast, using his paws with dexterity.

Impressed, they purchased the animal, and took him home.  That night, they had friends over for dinner.  They were so proud of their new Baptist dog and his skills; they decided to show off a little.  The friends were impressed!  They asked whether the dog was able to do any of the usual dog tricks as well.

This stopped the couple cold.  They hadn't thought of normal dog tricks.  "Well," they said, "let's give it a try."

They called the dog --- and clearly pronounced the command, "Heel!"

Quick as a wink, the dog jumped up, put his paw on the man's forehead, closed his eyes in concentration, and bowed his head --- it was then that the couple realized they'd been deceived.

The shocked husband cried, “That kennel man didn’t tell us the dog was a Pentecostal ‘healer!’"


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God bless, have a wonderful, blessed day,

Bill

Dog-Winking

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Really bill, who do you think you upset?  And you have no fans outside the ones in your mind. 

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There was a Catholic priest, Jewish rabbi and Fundie Bapist minister. One day the priest went to get a hair cut. After the barber cut his hair the priest wanted to pay him. The barber said, "Oh no, I will not accept any money from a man of God." So the next day when the barber went to open his shop he saw a loaf of bread with a thank you note.
Well the rabbi came for a hair cut. Again the barber said, "Oh no, I will not accept any money from a man of God." So the next day the barber went to open his shop and found a bottle of wine and a thank you note.
Well, the Fundie Baptist minister came for his hair cut. Again the barber said, "Oh no, I will not accept any money from a man of God."
Well, the next day when the barber went to open his shop, he found 10 other Fundie Baptist ministers waiting for free haircuts.

Hi all,

 

As long as we are on a roll, here's one more Baptist joke for you.   You see, being blonde (at least, at one time) I can tell blonde jokes -- and, being Baptist, I can tell Baptist jokes -- with no hint of prejudice.

 

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THE BAPTIST COWGIRL

 

A cowgirl walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud.  She sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.  When she finishes them, she comes back to the bar and orders three more.

The bartender approaches and tells the cowgirl, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it.  It would taste better if you bought one at a time."

The cowgirl replies, "Well, you see, I have two sisters.  One is in Australia, the other is in Dublin.  When we all left our home in Arkansas, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my sisters and one for myself."

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.  The cowgirl becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way.  She orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.

One day, she comes in and orders only two mugs.  All the regulars take notice and fall silent.  When she comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."

The cowgirl looks puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in her eyes, and she laughs. "Oh, no, everybody's just fine," she explains, "It's just that my husband and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking.”  

“Hasn't affected my sisters' drinking though." 


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God bless, have a wonderful, blessed day,

 

Bill

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