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I’m not trying to start an argument here, just consider it a friendly debate. But I do have some serious questions for some of you.

So this classmate, Ashlee Beggs, that knew of the abuse, should she be held partly responsible for Chelsie’s death?

So anyone that just sit back & watched this behavior go on & didn’t do anything,
should they be held partly responsible for Tammy & Chelsie’s death?

Where does Tammy’s responsibily lie? She could have contacted DHR & Safeplace but evidently did not. She could have gotten a protection order against her husband but evidently did not. Yes, they would have intervened but couldn’t watch her back 24/7.
I’m a Mom, you let any man lay one hand on my child & he would find a gun in his face, or his ball cuts off while sleeping.
I’m sure there are many of you women that would agree with me.

To quote Freebird: “I am sorry but if these people who saw this taking place and did not step in and help this child they are just as guilty of murder, as the father.”

I hope Tammy & Kevin’s family doesn’t see this. How do you know they weren’t sworn to secrecy?
Maybe they didn't actually see the abuse.
I think I read that Chelsie herself asked her friends not to tell.
How do you know that Tammy ever told anyone just how bad it was? Some women will never admit abuse, no matter how bad.

You let me see someone mistreating someone and you better believe I am going to step in and call the police and help that person, I may get my ass whooped but at least that child or person will be safe.”

I remember several years ago at the Nashville Flea Market, I came upon a man in a woman’s face, screaming at her, raising his hand to hit her. I foolishly stepped up & told him to leave her alone. (This was before cell phones) I won’t go into what happened but needless to say. I’ll never do that again. Now if it’s a child, yes, I would step in.

I had a friend that was killed by her husband several years ago. I did step in, I told to get her some help. When she found out she was furious with me & didn't speak to me for several months. When help was offered to her, she refused it. What else was I supposed to do? I live with that question even now.

I'm not being hateful, I'm just throwing some questions out there.
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Originally posted by ~*~Freebird~*~:
quote:
Originally posted by FirenzeVeritas:
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Originally posted by bamacarl:
luvmypups, I do not think his parents had any thing to do with the obit in the paper. They are an elderly couple who lost not only a son but their entire family, I am sure they had more on their minds than putting a orbit in the paper or making funeral arrangments.


While I do think someone with an agenda* composed the obit, I understand his parents are intelligent, active adults who are in their late sixties.

* The rationale for the use of the word agenda concerns the lack of others who predeceased him. Since both parents were living, why not list the deceased grandparents? No matter, anyone who has the money to pay can have almost anything published in an obit.


I hate to burst your bubble, but when you go to the funeral home they get all the information and someone else writes the obit unless you write it yourself and in this case I would think no one in the families did the obits.

SO FirenzeVeritas, PLEASE do tell us who you think had the agenda*?????


At one time obits were solely submitted via funeral homes. That stopped for several reasons. I'm not saying that some don't do this for clients. I am saying that as in the case I mentioned, various family members submit the obits themselves.

One reason was the TD policy change to charging by word; the other was the inclusion of life partners, for which the funeral home did not wish to be responsible (opening up for lawsuits, etc.)

I don't know who wrote the obit, but it was not the one(s) who composed Tammy or Chelsie's. It was also one who chose to include a nephew as someone who predeceased Kevin, but not Kevin's grandparents. This in itself if highly unusual.

Perhaps you connoted something I did not intend to infer. My idea of agenda was that the obit was intended to imply Kevin loved those he killed. I'm sure in a way he did.
I know from my experiences from dealing with funeral homes that yes someone does write the final submitted obit but with the families approval. They ask questions and ask if anything specific would like to be written and then they complete the final draft and give it to the families for approval and this has been happening since '94 that I know of when my mother passed. So the family has the final say so from what I have dealt with.
Just to clarify from what I understand of DHR and Safeplace. DHR does feel that a woman or a man that continually allows their children to be exposed to domestic violence has placed that child at risk. Due to the fact that the child could be injured as a result of the violence it is neglectful to allow them to be placed in that type of situation. Now I also understand that Tammy Garner was proably raised in a time in which she was taught make your marriage work, stick it out for your child. This type of mentality makes a lot of women stay not to mention the stigma of going to DHR or a shelter for help.

When we sit at home with our spouses we could never imagine them turning to violence the way Kevin Garner did and I am sure that Tammy Garner never expected it from her husband.

Katybug I commend you for stepping in not only for your friend but you have done it for a stranger also. You can't dwell on what you could have done differently or if there was more you could have done because it will only keep the hurt fresh in your mind. Understand that you stepped up when others did not and it is likely that if he had the intent on killing your friend that he would have found a way to do it regardless.

On to the people that stood by with knowledge that he harmed his wife or child, you better believe that they should be held responsible. Mandatory reporters can actually be jailed for not reporting so why should others not be held accountable. That is why there is such a thing as being anonymous. People will always make assumptions on who reported what but they are never actually told, to my knowledge anyway. I only hope that if I had lost it and someone saw me harm a child that they would scream to the top of their lungs to save my children.
Katy -- you do understand that no one is going to be held responsible for Chelsie's death -- that Kevin killed himself and that ended any kind of "justice" for the victims by a court right? This was a murder-suicide and the case is closed. While it will hopefully open people's eyes to the abusive situations we might otherwise overlook...except for our opinions and explanations of the details surrounding the case -- it is over.

As for the obituary, it is quite possible that the TD composed it or the funeral home -- it is pretty standard what is in it. If it wasn't a family member that wrote it they may not have known the grandparents names to put into the obituary -- also, not all obituaries include the grandparents -- or even sister in laws for that matter...so I don't think I would go so far as to say someone had an "agenda" with this one...
I did not like the obit,but there was not one thing false about it. He WAS preceded in death by his wife and daughter ,,even if he was the cause. Tammy WAS still legally his wife.
I feel for his family as I do not know how they felt at the time of trying to have this obit composed. This has truly been a horrifying incident for all of our community and especially for the families involved. I do send my prayers everyday for both the families. Dealing with the death of a loved one is something one can never truly "get over",only to accept and live with,but to have to deal with all that brought about these losses is beyond my comprehension.
To me, the purpose of an obituary is to publicly inform of a death. It is so helpful to see the survivors listed, and even more helpful to know the names of spouses, children or parents who have died previously. Sometimes the name won't ring a bell, but then you read the survivors or those who 'preceded' the person and you realize that this is the obituary for a friend's grandparent or sibling.

There was such attention in the Green Hill incident that we all already knew the details, so the obituary really didn't serve the usual purpose for most of us. I thought the obituary was odd. I thought that I'd have been mad if my family was murdered and I was listed as a survivor of their killer. But I know that someone in the family ok'd the text. And also, Mr. Beaty's sorrows are so much heavier than the wording of an obituary. Maybe only those of us who are far removed from this awful thing can even stop to think about the wording of the obit.

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