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Ok, guys, never, ever again can we just calmly accept being called rednecks because we are from Alabama. We just got back from the "redneck cruise extraordinaire".

"formal dress" apparently means wearing a teeshirt with only half your fat belly hanging out (for both sexes) and you're never fully dressed without a jailhouse tattoo on your neck (also both sexes).

And, of course, I did an informal poll. Most of the bunch was from, in descending order:

1. Mississippi
2. Arkansas
3. Kentucky
4. Tennessee
5. Alabama
6. Georgia (those were the ones who rode behind us on a 2 1/2 hr bus trip and did NOT TAKE ONE BREATH BETWEEN WORDS)
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It's been years since I had to do the pantyhose, dress up thing, and since the hubby wears scrubs too we had to buy things for the "formal" dinner. We thought. Waste of money. See above.

And of course we were there on Halloween. Lord save us from redneck Halloween costumes! In fact, I don't think most of them were actually wearing a costume. One couple wore matching "cavepeople" outfits. His was skimpier than hers (which was difficult, but he achieved it!). He had on a huge wig, teensey hot pants in a leopard print and as they were walking by out table he had a sideways wedgie worse than anything I've ever experienced even in cheap pantyhose. The boy was almost gelded!
And tell me this: When did the boob job get so popular with the trailer park crowd? I've never seen so many painfully stuffed Pamela Anderson chests in my life! Looked like they had a Crazy Larry's Fireworks and Boob Job emporium in at least three of those states!

But we had fun. The staff were all foreign, couldn't make grits at all, and had never heard of tartar sauce! How can you be on a boat and never heard of tartar sauce?
quote:
Originally posted by vick13:
It's been years since I had to do the pantyhose, dress up thing, and since the hubby wears scrubs too we had to buy things for the "formal" dinner. We thought. Waste of money. See above.

And of course we were there on Halloween. Lord save us from redneck Halloween costumes! In fact, I don't think most of them were actually wearing a costume. One couple wore matching "cavepeople" outfits. His was skimpier than hers (which was difficult, but he achieved it!). He had on a huge wig, teensey hot pants in a leopard print and as they were walking by out table he had a sideways wedgie worse than anything I've ever experienced even in cheap pantyhose. The boy was almost gelded!


LOL!! That has got the craziest image in my head!!
I kept my mouth shut, kind of. Promised the hubby I wouldn't start a knife fight.

He, on the other hand, scared me to death going through customs. First, you have to know how he looks. He's tall, very, very olive skinned, black hair, dark eyes, and has a very thick black moustache. Got the idea? I packed his picture ID in the bags. (Who would've figured he'd put his billfold in a small bag that I packed in the big one?)

When we got to the customs desk he started talking like the Middle Eastern residents we know from the hospital, saying, "No, no, no ID. I from Aly bama. Allah say, "roooollll Tide" and making that forehead hand gesture. The customs lady was hysterical. Apparently my slapping him let her know he was actually my husband and my mortification meant he was legal.
I'm gonna admit something here, since it's just between us, one of those heifers ended up on the floor, sprawled out. Nobody actually SAW her fall. And she fell with her head cushioned conveniently on her arm. With her dress thankfully tucked modestly around her knees. We just looked up and she was lying in front of the doorway near a small puddle of spilled liquid. No sound. No whump from the fall (and believe me she would've whumped). Just unresponsive. (Except for adjusting her hair so the guys helping her to the stretcher wouldn't step on it.) And I didn't do a thing to help. Didn't check vitals, didn't check breathing. Nothing.

Took 'em a while to get a emt up there and I just watched. We all did. Took about six little Filipino waiters to get her onto the stretcher. Then when they got her positioned, I swear, she reached up and made sure her hair was fluffed just right.

Can you sue for lying down near a water puddle?
quote:
Can you sue for lying down near a water puddle?


you can sue for anything.

Years ago an ex-in-law tripped on a hanger in the floor of TJ Maxx, hurt her back, sued and won a hefty amount.
Her injury required trips to B'ham and while there one day she stopped at a MacDonald's, slipped in some water, sued and won.
quote:
Originally posted by (aka)PuckerupFrog:
quote:
Can you sue for lying down near a water puddle?


you can sue for anything.

Years ago an ex-in-law tripped on a hanger in the floor of TJ Maxx, hurt her back, sued and won a hefty amount.
Her injury required trips to B'ham and while there one day she stopped at a MacDonald's, slipped in some water, sued and won.


Why don't we do that?
Vick, sounds like you had a great time, and sounds like MY kind of cruise. I don't mind being redneck, it is a compliment for the "off time" from work and responsibility, lol.

As far as falling, sheeeesh, anyone would have to be STUPID to even think of it. Let 'em put a huge hunk of Titanium inside ya and then NO ONE would EVER fake a fall. Just the "IDEA" of falling makes me wanna cry. And I didn't sue ANYONE.

SOOOOOOOOOOOOO glad you are back!!!
quote:
Originally posted by _Joy_:
Vick, now we know how you got this way (the husband)...haha. I swear, if you ever get tired of nursing, you need to write a book or at least do a daily column. Well, I guess you already do that kind of. Smiler

I might consider a cruise if I can get all that entertainment with it.


I say we call it the "Ask Vick" colum. I think I'll go over and start that now.

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