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Single male parents who collect child support

A a_1_anna_2Member
Just wondering if there are any single male parents around here who are supposed to be paid child support by the ex-wife having trouble collecting because it seems the Department of Human Resources looks at it differently when it is the man who is supposed to be collecting.

A friend of mine has been having that problem (DHR would not return his calls, he would give them exact info as to where the ex was living, worked, even her car tag number), but (when he did manage to get to talk to someone) they could never seem to be able to find her. He finally resorted to using an outside agency that does that sort of thing, but they get a percentage of what they collect, and they had found her and was collecting within a month. This was using the same information he had given DHR! Any other men experiencing/experienced this problem?
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raineraineHall of Famer
My husband and I are going through somewhat of a similar situation. They have been divorced for 11 years and several years back his ex applied for some type of governmental assistance and in order for her to be eligible she put that he wasn't paying child support. So, we go get our taxes filed (we also have two children that we claim) and on the day that it is to be deposited into our account it doesn't appear. So, I get online and start looking and it tells me that it has been applied to back child support. So, I get all of the phone numbers and try to call. Guess what??? They won't talk to me because it is all in my husband's SSN eventhough I am on the return. So, to make a very long story semi-short: I had to fax a lady in Tennessee (where they divorced) copies of all the checks where we had paid the child support and ask that the action be reversed. So, that office determined that we had infact been paying child support so they closed the case and released the money to the state of Tennessee. I am afraid that we may never see it... they don't know when they will get to it.. yadda yadda. Really annoying especially since it was taken in error. The point of this that relates is that when my husband called they weren't in any kind of "hurry" to help him. They were a little rude to him and the lady at the state office that we are now dealing with is worse. I can't help but wonder if it were the mother that this was done to would it matter? Would they be nicer, kinder, more patient, more understanding, more helpful, and for god's sake more speedy? It is a crying shame that sometimes the wrong people get treated badly because of the majority. I think that any deadbeat parent should be treated just as that but we don't always know who the "deadbeat" in the situation is. Both of my step-children have lived with my husband and myself several times in the past 4 years and we have never asked her for a penny and she never called or visited them or offered to help us financially. My oldest son's father has never been around and I like it that way... atleast I don't have to deal with this crap... Good luck, looks like you are going to need it.
J jjuliesmilesHall of Famer
To be honest about it, I think DHR treats everyone equally crappy. You have to work that like a job. No - it is not right. When my own kids were little, I went thru that with them and I was my own "detective" - gave it to them on a silver platter and still had to HARASS the heck out of them to get results.

I think they are probably an "equal opportunity" slow collector! Wink

I am now in a similar situation where my husband SHOULD be receiving child support as my step daughter lives with us (THANK GOD). I doubt she will ever pay - but I am going to most certainly get an order for it when we go for our final court hearing!
S salsa_babeHall of Famer
The courthouse sent me to DHR to try to collect child support, but they wouldn't even give me the time of day. I thought they were supposed to help kids...what the hay?!
I had to do my own detective work and hand deliver it to an attorney before I got any help collecting from my ex. But what I had to pay an attorney paid off once the support started when he was found hiding in another state and his check was garnished.
My hubby is trying to find his ex to collect for his daughter that we have custody of....not easy. She's a deadbeat too!
P ^PuF^Old Faithful
quote:
Originally posted by a_1_anna_2:
it seems the Department of Human Resources looks at it differently when it is the man who is supposed to be collecting.


I have a family member who is going through that. The ex called him to come get the kids because she didn't want them anymore, then she moved out of state. He has gone through hel l trying to get child support for the past 10 years.
He said DHR treats him like he's a big, bad monster for picking on a helpless female and trying to get money out of her.
RE Romantica EroticaHall of Famer
quote:
Originally posted by shimara12:
quote:
Originally posted by George Sand:
I found DHR quite helpful and reasonable when I consulted them regarding an abuse case.

DHR has nothing to do with child support issues. That is a court issue.


Were they helpful in resolving your abuse allegations? Did it go to court?

Any body can make up any thing any time, but proving it is a different story. While working with safeplace, I found some cases were made up to make the spouse look like an abuser.
We have some real weird people out there that are working the system.
S shimara12 3Hall of Famer
quote:
Originally posted by Romantica Erotica:
quote:
Originally posted by shimara12:
quote:
Originally posted by George Sand:
I found DHR quite helpful and reasonable when I consulted them regarding an abuse case.

DHR has nothing to do with child support issues. That is a court issue.


Were they helpful in resolving your abuse allegations? Did it go to court?

Any body can make up any thing any time, but proving it is a different story. While working with safeplace, I found some cases were made up to make the spouse look like an abuser.
We have some real weird people out there that are working the system.


I'll answer the question. It didn't go to court, because it was BS.
A a_1_anna_2Member
There was no abuse in this situation at all. I was close friends with the woman and she simply decided she did not want the "hassle of kids and a husband" (her exact words) and left. She agreed to the divorce, agreed to pay support to the husband, but moved out of state and began taking jobs that paid under the table to keep from being found.

And DHR does have something to do with chid support when the parent that is supposed to pay does not pay. You are referred to them even if it originally goes through the court system.

My friend has been ignored, been very rudely treated when he has had a chance to talk to them or get an appointment with them. I have talked to female friends going through the same situation and they have no problems. I feel the men are being treated differently simply because they are men... my friend has proof of how he's been treated, recorded phone conversations, etc (and DHR is aware they were recorded, he makes it clear at the beginning of the conversation and they agree to talk with him, then proceed to get testy and rude with him--- I don't think they believe he's recording them). Anyway, he's now considering getting some of the other men together, comparing notes and seeing if they don't have reason for a lawsuit. I mean, if the authorities go the extra mile to hunt down the men that don't pay....

What gets me most of all is the fact that he GAVE THEM HER HOME ADDRESS, PLACE OF WORK ADDRESS AND PHONE NUMBER AND HER CAR TAG NUMBER!!! Then they wait a couple of weeks, he calls them back to see if they have made any progress and they say they can't find her. This outside company he has to pay had no trouble finding her. WHAT GIVES?

I would love for someone from DHR to read this and give me a good reason for it. They don't have to give names or case numbers or anything... I just want to know why my female friends have no trouble getting the deadbeat dads hunted down but my male friends do.
S salsa_babeHall of Famer
My attorney said the courthouse (those that take CS payments) should take that information and have the person's wages garnished, if you know where they work. Problem is, they won't help either. My attorney had my x served at his place of work and filed the necessary papers to have this employer take it out of his check. It should work the same for women. It just takes a while to find someone willing to help. A good lawyer, a must.
S shimara12 3Hall of Famer
quote:
Originally posted by salsa_babe:
My attorney said the courthouse (those that take CS payments) should take that information and have the person's wages garnished, if you know where they work. Problem is, they won't help either. My attorney had my x served at his place of work and filed the necessary papers to have this employer take it out of his check. It should work the same for women. It just takes a while to find someone willing to help. A good lawyer, a must.


What if they are self employed?
S salsa_babeHall of Famer
quote:
Originally posted by shimara12:
quote:
Originally posted by salsa_babe:
My attorney said the courthouse (those that take CS payments) should take that information and have the person's wages garnished, if you know where they work. Problem is, they won't help either. My attorney had my x served at his place of work and filed the necessary papers to have this employer take it out of his check. It should work the same for women. It just takes a while to find someone willing to help. A good lawyer, a must.


What if they are self employed?


Go through the IRS and find out their annual income. And if you know they have a good income and are not reporting it...also notify the IRS.
S shimara12 3Hall of Famer
quote:
Originally posted by salsa_babe:
quote:
Originally posted by shimara12:
quote:
Originally posted by salsa_babe:
My attorney said the courthouse (those that take CS payments) should take that information and have the person's wages garnished, if you know where they work. Problem is, they won't help either. My attorney had my x served at his place of work and filed the necessary papers to have this employer take it out of his check. It should work the same for women. It just takes a while to find someone willing to help. A good lawyer, a must.


What if they are self employed?


Go through the IRS and find out their annual income. And if you know they have a good income and are not reporting it...also notify the IRS.


Although, really sneaky people could alter their SS number.
S shimara12 3Hall of Famer
quote:
Originally posted by Romantica Erotica:
Sounds like this thread should be "Single male parents trying to collect child support". If a male is in contempt of court, he gets thrown into jail but if a women is in contempt of court, they just let it slide, thinking they would not throw a woman in jail. Surprise! Surprise! Women are now getting thrown into jail.


Generally the courts favor the mother in a child custody matter, so you have to do something really inappropriate to be considered unfit. Drugs, alcohol abuse, mental illness, neglect, something. But then to compound it by not paying your child support. I pity the child.
im4uhoneeim4uhoneeHall of Famer
When we married my husband had custody of his two children and his ex paid hiom child support for a while. When she got behind in her payments he went to the DA (Franklin County) and the DA had her arrested (the sherriff called her and she went in and was booked and was able to sign herself out on a property bond) they worked ourt an agreement for payment and it didn't take her long to catch up her back support and keep paying it, she had to have something done by the time her court date came or else.

My suggestion is to get the necessary paper work from DHR to show she is at least 30 days behind in her payments then go to the DA and swear out a warrant for her arrest and call the sherriff to make sure they serve the arrest warrant, daily if necessary. If she hides from the sherriff you may just have to wait til she gets pulled over for a tail light out or something and the officer runs her license to see if there are any outstanding warrants. Or someone calls the police to lodge some sort of complaint where she would be found.
W WishuponastarSmall Talker
Share the financial load just as you share the child-rearing duties.
It’s every parent’s job to make sure to create the best possible environment in which those psyches can flourish. Your kids are always watching, learning, interpreting, and deciphering cues from BOTH PARENTS. You can’t say you want your children not to stay on the computer all the time, for example, if you live on the computer.

Parenting is all about setting a living, breathing example of the way you want your kids to turn out!
S shimara12 3Hall of Famer
quote:
Originally posted by shimara12:
quote:
Originally posted by Romantica Erotica:
Sounds like this thread should be "Single male parents trying to collect child support". If a male is in contempt of court, he gets thrown into jail but if a women is in contempt of court, they just let it slide, thinking they would not throw a woman in jail. Surprise! Surprise! Women are now getting thrown into jail.


Generally the courts favor the mother in a child custody matter, so you have to do something really inappropriate to be considered unfit. Drugs, alcohol abuse, mental illness, neglect, something. But then to compound it by not paying your child support. I pity the child.


Deadbeat mom pay your child support.
S shimara12 3Hall of Famer
quote:
Originally posted by jjuliesmiles:
OMG - is Romantica Erotica a deadbeat mom?????????????


We know who the deadbeat mom is Julie dear. Like I said anyone curious enough can go to the courthouse and find out for themselves.
Hint: She doesn't have custody of either of her children, court ordered. Oh yes, and those court transcripts are available also.
J jjuliesmilesHall of Famer
quote:
Originally posted by shimara12:
quote:
Originally posted by jjuliesmiles:
OMG - is Romantica Erotica a deadbeat mom?????????????


We know who the deadbeat mom is Julie dear. Like I said anyone curious enough can go to the courthouse and find out for themselves.
Hint: She doesn't have custody of either of her children, court ordered. Oh yes, and those court transcripts are available also.


You mean it ain't ya'll??????? Well who is it? You are telling everything else - tell that. Your implications ain't cutting it!

Who are you talking about??????????? Every female I know on here has legal AND physical custody of their kids.

Unless it is one of ya'll or monet............
S shimara12 3Hall of Famer
quote:
Originally posted by jjuliesmiles:
quote:
Originally posted by shimara12:
quote:
Originally posted by jjuliesmiles:
OMG - is Romantica Erotica a deadbeat mom?????????????


We know who the deadbeat mom is Julie dear. Like I said anyone curious enough can go to the courthouse and find out for themselves.
Hint: She doesn't have custody of either of her children, court ordered. Oh yes, and those court transcripts are available also.


You mean it ain't ya'll??????? Well who is it? You are telling everything else - tell that. Your implications ain't cutting it!

Who are you talking about??????????? Every female I know on here has legal AND physical custody of their kids.

Unless it is one of ya'll or monet............


Not everyone. Let me see if I can get a confirmation of that contempt of court doc.
A a_1_anna_2Member
Problem is the "mom" lives out of state now. He has tlked to authorities in the other state, but they can never locate her. She doesn't stay in one place long enough for them to get a correct address onher or she stays with other people. This has been going on for about 3 years now. He talked to DHR 2 weeks ago. Had more info to give them (name of people she was staying with, their address and the address of her new job). They told him they would let him know something. He clled back today. They can't find her. He calls teh company that is actually collecting for him. They already know where she is. They are keeping tabs on her. Now if some small cmpany can do it, why can't the local government office that is SUPPOSED TO BE THE ONES THAT HANDLE THIS KIND OF THING? 1/3 of what they collect goes to this compnay, so he does not get all he should, but it's the only way he has to get anything. The company is called Support Kids if anyone is intersted. They will get the job done.
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