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Who's On First (Who's is a contraction of Who is, not Whose as in the possessive):

The names given in the routine for the players at each position are:

First Base: Who
Second Base: What
Third base: I Don't Know
Left field: Why
Center Field: Because
Pitcher: Tomorrow
Catcher: Today
Shortstop: I Don't Give a Darn! (at other times the phrase was stated as "I Don't Care" or "I Don't Give a ****")
The name of the shortstop is not given until the very end of the routine, and the right fielder is either never identified, though an interpretation of the routine could give his name as "Naturally", or is Costello himself. At a point in the routine, Costello thinks that Naturally is the first baseman (because NATURALLY, WHO would get the ball if was thrown to first base). However, in the board game, the right fielder's name is "Nobody".

Abbott's explanations leave Costello hopelessly confused and infuriated, until the end of the routine when he finally appears to catch on. "You got a couple of days on your team?" He never quite figures out that the first baseman's name literally is "Who". But after all this he announces, "I don't give a darn!" ("Oh, that's our shortstop.") That is the most commonly heard ending, which varied depending on the perceived sensibilities of the audience. The even-milder "I Don't Care" was used in the version seen in the film The Naughty Nineties. A recording of the obvious "I Don't Give a ****" has also turned up on occasion.


I'd like to thank Wikipedia for the text and Mary Jo Pitts for teaching me about who's and whose.

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