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My daughter DOES NOT want me to attend her wedding. My ex-BIL, whom I'm still very good friemds with, says she is afraid that her mom will 'make a scene'...and she probably would. So, out of respect and love for my daughter, I won't be attending her 'special day'.

I'm over-due for some GOOD news....

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Sorry about that, DS. And I don’t mean to trivialize what you’re going through by that brief comment. Something very similar happened to someone I know. Difference is, he had it coming.

Long as you are connected to your daughter, the good news you seek will come in due time.

My ex sounds like your ex. My daughter & I now share a very special relationship. She named my grandson after her husband’s and my side of the families. I doubt she will ever name any child after her mother.

Hang in there.
I cannot imagine a parent (especially a MOTHER) setting out to ruin her daughter's wedding like that! Shame on your ex-wife! But you know, I can't see asking my step-father to walk me down the aisle if my father were still around to do it. Has your ex-wife always had so much control over your daughter? I'd want both of my parents to be at my wedding (and all my grandparents) and anyone who didn't like it could stay home!! Hopefully your daughter will put her foot down and stop allowing your ex-wife to control who does and does not attend the wedding. Whose special day is this anyway??

God bless you and I hope this all works out!
quote:
Originally posted by T S C:
I cannot imagine a parent (especially a MOTHER) setting out to ruin her daughter's wedding like that! Shame on your ex-wife! But you know, I can't see asking my step-father to walk me down the aisle if my father were still around to do it. Has your ex-wife always had so much control over your daughter? I'd want both of my parents to be at my wedding (and all my grandparents) and anyone who didn't like it could stay home!! Hopefully your daughter will put her foot down and stop allowing your ex-wife to control who does and does not attend the wedding. Whose special day is this anyway??

God bless you and I hope this all works out!


I agree with TSC. Your daughter needs to stand on her own two feet. Unless your wife is footing the bill for the event, she really shouldn't have any say in it. And if she is footing the bill, your daughter should not be letting her hold her wedding hostage!

Sorry you are having to go through this.
quote:
Posted 01 October 2007 02:22 PM Hide Post
I don't WANT her to have any regrets. I don't WANT her to be angry at her mom. And I don't want her to be angry at HERSELF...ever.

You know what bothers me most? The fact that someone her mom married 5 months after our divorce...is walking MY LITTLE GIRL down the aisle.



Sweetie, just be glad he was good enough to her for her to want him to walk her down the aisle. It would've been far worse if he'd not be good to her and you couldn't have done anything.

I promise you, as one who has been there, done that, this will backfire on the hussy. The kids grow up quickly after they are married. They don't have to depend on mama for stuff. You'll see a big change soon.
I am sorry DS.

My father and I don't have a good relationship, (this due really to him) but I could never imagine him not having had a part of my wedding no matter what. He didn't walk me down the aisle though, but still, I don't see why your daughter doesn't put her foot down and refuse letting her mother say no to you.

Have you talked to your daughter first hand and (without letting her know other people have told you) seen what she had to say about her wedding? I think if possible, you should do that. At very least, she should be the one to tell you whether she wants you there or not, not have everyone else do it (maybe even for her).

This is tough, but I wish you all the best. I hope that your daughter one day wakes up and realizes what her mother and uncle are doing. Your parent's shouldn't be left out either.

This is so sad. Frowner I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers. I hope that maybe something can be worked out so that you can attend. My thoughts to you hun.

~Amanda
D.S...
All I can do is just shake my head at an adult that is suppose to be thinking of her daughter,s day...not revenge for things between your ex and yourself...
In my mind you have two immature people here...your ex who is acting like a 14 year teenager...and a daughter who does not have the maturity to get married...allowing one parent to use her wedding as a weapon against another shows lack of strength to control her life...
I predict your ex will destroy her marriage within the year...
It is your daughter that needs to re-think things through and grow up...this is not throwing rocks at your daughter...just making an observation..
You have no control over it...you are doing the right thing...Keep your head high ...your daughter will be grateful to you ....but I assure you she will never forget what pressure her mother has put her under on her wedding day...
From what my ex-BIL has told me, my EX is refusing to help with the wedding. I've also learned that my ex-MIL actually ADORES the guy my daughter wants to marry and appears more like her 'old self' in his company. But hey...she adored ME, too! Wink

From what my ex-BIL tells me, my daughter and her new husband will reside in Arkansas, 1 state and several hours away from her mom, making it more difficult to exert any control over her.
quote:
Originally posted by T S C:
I cannot imagine a parent (especially a MOTHER) setting out to ruin her daughter's wedding like that! Shame on your ex-wife! But you know, I can't see asking my step-father to walk me down the aisle if my father were still around to do it. Has your ex-wife always had so much control over your daughter? I'd want both of my parents to be at my wedding (and all my grandparents) and anyone who didn't like it could stay home!! Hopefully your daughter will put her foot down and stop allowing your ex-wife to control who does and does not attend the wedding. Whose special day is this anyway??

God bless you and I hope this all works out!



dog, really read TSC's reply, THAT is why I said your daughter would regret it someday, NOT because you don't WANT her to, it will just happen naturally, sad but true.

You already know that all of us have regrets in one thing or another.

Someday your daughter will realize just the HUGE effect that her very own Mother had on what is supposed to be the 'best day of her life' and even though you are taking the selfless side, she will be extremely mad and hurt.

You, my friend, will be the one she picks to help her pick up the pieces, and I KNOW you will be there for her then!!

Again, I am so very sorry this is happening, it just is NOT right.
DS---I was going to say what Missing Bama said. She will need you! I am taking one of my periodic prolonged absences from church so I can remain a Christian- but- read the story of The Prodigal Son again and again. Christ also forgave us and we all hurt him every day ---not just physically as crucifixion but in the heart as you have been hurt. I hurt with you.
quote:
Originally posted by traderconnections:
D.S...
All I can do is just shake my head at an adult that is suppose to be thinking of her daughter,s day...not revenge for things between your ex and yourself...
In my mind you have two immature people here...your ex who is acting like a 14 year teenager...and a daughter who does not have the maturity to get married...allowing one parent to use her wedding as a weapon against another shows lack of strength to control her life...
I predict your ex will destroy her marriage within the year...
It is your daughter that needs to re-think things through and grow up...this is not throwing rocks at your daughter...just making an observation..
You have no control over it...you are doing the right thing...Keep your head high ...your daughter will be grateful to you ....but I assure you she will never forget what pressure her mother has put her under on her wedding day...


I think 'the wedding' is my daughter's attempt(subconcious?) to 'break away' from her mom....and her mom SEES it as such, hence her refusal to assist in the wedding.

I wish my daughter all the best in beginning her 'new' life and will continue to ask God to Bless them. That's all I can do.
It is sad it has to be this way dog, but it is making a stronger person out of you. You need to remember one thing, the situation at hand is only a temporary one and it is important you do not make it a perminet one. The best thing for you to do now is to gather information as it comes to you and don't forget it.
Some day your daughter will come to you, then will be the time you can be the father your ex cannot prevent you from being. Don't ever forget patience is a virtue, and you will have your day soon enough.
DS,

I hate to read what you are going through. While I don’t know all the particulars, it makes me so sad to think you have to miss a very important moment in your daughter’s life. I’ve never been in a situation like yours, so anything I could say could be worthless. My daughter is only seven years old. I have no idea of the heck and pain your family has been though to be where it is today. Is there even a snowballs chance that you, your daughter and your ex can meet somewhere to talk? What about if you showed up at your daughter’s doorsteps (with flowers…flowers are good here Smiler) and take her to dinner and spill every emotion you have to her? Everything. No holding back.

When I got married, we had scheduled my wedding at a time when both of my older sisters couldn’t get off work. I knew that ahead of time but didn’t change. There’s no animosity between us but I didn’t change the date because I was so naive. They are missing in my wedding pictures and it makes me disgusted to this day. They never asked me to change the day because I know they just wanted me to be happy. But oh how I wish they would have or that I wouldn’t have been so blind by something so simple that would affect me for years to come. Everyone’s grandmother usually has some type of saying and mine would say, “Life is not a dress rehearsal.” I sincerely hate to imagine any types of regrets that you or your daughter might have. Whether it’s wedding photos or you missing out of the sweetest honors/memories of walking your daughter down the aisle. Just as important, missing out on two loving grandparents being there.

I think it’s very honorable that you want to do what makes her happy. But is it just what makes her happy or what’ll make her mother happy? My husband’s mother and dad divorced after 25 years of marriage and his dad remarried. It was terrible planning our kid’s birthday parties here and there. My husband, his sister, and his parents had a meeting. Ever since then, they both attend birthdays at the same time. They don’t talk to each other and remain civil for the kids and grandkids. I have noticed a difference in the relief that my husband and SIL have when they all get together or try to make plans for getting together.

I wish you the best and peace with whatever you and your daughter decide. And if this is nothing you want to hear, just overlook it.
I had my ex-BIL ask her...specifically....and she said 'No', for the reason previously stated.

Night before last, I asked my wife to 'promise me something': I asked her to promise me that no matter how much I hate her EX(God only knows how much!), to NOT allow me to interfere with her 2 daughter's weddings in any way. Prior to my 'ordeal', I can't say that I would have asked that of her.
DS, I find your story ironic considering my own. I wanted my Dad to walk me down the isle and he refused...just said he couldn't - no explanation. I was floored. My mother (they divorced when I was 5) told me that he was too ashamed of his life, that it was about him and not me. Somehow at the time, that didn't help much. My maternal grandfather, still alive at the time, thank God, walked me down the isle.

We were not without drama, however, because my mother-in-law made a scene regarding my father-in-law and his bride to be and the seating arrangements of said persons. I didn't know anything about it at the time, but was told later. Thankfully, there was no cloud for us since we were unaware of it.

Sorry, I do go on, don't I? That said, I agree with whoever said that you are handling this maturely even though it is painful for you. Your daughter will regret this decision more than likely, but it's by our mistakes that we grow and learn. She'll be okay, DS. Don't worry about her. Yes, it's a big day, but she will have many big days and perhaps because of this mistake, she will know that you should be a part of the rest of her life. It will work out in the longrun. I'll be praying for you and your wife as you go through this and also for your daughter, that this will teach her a vital lesson & break the control that her mother has over her.
quote:
Originally posted by dogsoldier0513:
quote:
Originally posted by monster:
we all need to meet down at old town that day and lift a glass. having been thru a similar situation, I hurt with you. thoughts and prayers...


I'll try and post some pics later. I'll take you up on the offer later this week. Wink
I work every night thru friday and will be out of town the weekend. so if the first of next week is good, we'll shoot for then.

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