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Gee thanks daddy. You know when I grow up I want to be just like you! Wink

But you better watch that Western girl daddy. Mommy said she's just after your special "treats" and your body.

What's that mean daddy? Is she one of those zombie things we watched on tv together? Please don't let her suck your brians out and take your body?
Eeker
quote:
Originally posted by uwsoftball:
Gee thanks daddy. You know when I grow up I want to be just like you! Wink

But you better watch that Western girl daddy. Mommy said she's just after your special "treats" and your body.

What's that mean daddy? Is she one of those zombie things we watched on tv together? Please don't let her suck your brians out and take your body?
Eeker


OH... now I know the secret! All this time I thought it was "BLOW your brains (or brians if you wish)out and SUCK..... Eeker Now I'm off to get a Wells Fargo cash box!!!! Thanks so much UW for clearing that up for me.
Took the kids to the bird sanctuary today. Slim brought his "dog." The dog upset the owls and one of them swooped down and attacked Ubu. Scratched him up pretty good and he had to have stitches. We got home early and when we pulled up some big guy ran out of the house carrying a big stack of what looked like underwear. He jumped into a White GMC 2500 dually pickup and drove over my Ford Ranger. Destroyed it and the amp I bought for Ubu. Funny thing another guy was running out the back door that looked a lot like Daddy. Now what do I do?
Dear Ms. Western,

Sorry it has taken me so long to respond to you, but Daddy, Mr. Slim, Spot and I went to the owl sanctuary this morning. Funny thing is we never got to see the real owls. We never got past the tour guides. Mr. Slim and Spot starting chasing them around and they had long fingernails and I got tore up real bad. Daddy said to tell Mommy that the owls scratched me. He didn't want to get the tour guides in trouble. He said the poor girls just barely made enough money to buy clothes. I guess that's true because all they could afford to buy were shorts and tee-shirts and it's February right now, poor girls. But I did see Daddy slipping one of the tour guides some money. He's a good person trying to help her buy clothes and all.

Anyway, I showed your message to Mommy and she said to tell you that the brians is where daddy keeps his brains so both ways are right depending on how you look at it. I still don't understand, but I'm a little slow you know.

Mommy said that I should ask you for your phone number that you could help me with that and my acne problem. Are you a "Proactive" sales person? Jessica Simpson says that "Proactive" is the best medicine for acne. Mommy always laughs real loud when she hears that, but she said you would explain that to me also.

I got to go now. The police are here at my step mothers. Some guy driving a big truck ran over daddys Ranger and destroyed my new amp. Daddy said not to worry that Granddaddy would be buying me a new amp so it would be okay.

Okay BYE!!!!!
UW, I can't imagine why the tour guides would have been running, undoubtedly Slim was chasing them only to make sure they had his credit card information so they could keep those long finger nails properly manicured. You see, if they are shaped just the right way you won't get "tore up real bad" but will just "tingle all over."

The guy driving the big truck probably ran over your daddy's Ranger and destroyed your amp because he was mad at your daddy for affording those tour guides to cover up.

You work real hard now at figuring out the exact location to keep "your" brains and don't follow in daddy's footsteps. It seems that keeping them in the brians hasn't worked out so well for daddy because they got sucked out a long, long time ago and she took all his special treats too. Now that his brains are gone, he can't even hold on to his underware. You're a little young to understand right now but, one day, when you're a big boy,and depending on whether or not you figure it out, you too might have a wife sitting on boxes and boxes and boxes of cash. Literally. Maybe daddy can explain that one to you.

If I were to share the secret to no acne with you it would put them "Proactive" people right out of business. Since you have such an open relationship with mommy, have her explain it to you, then you can laugh right along with mommy at all them silly people spending all that money on that "proactive" medicine.

Respectfully,

WesternOne
Dear Ms. Western,

I showed your post to mommy and ask her to help me with the big words you used. I'm a little slow you know.

She said you must know my granddaddy he uses big words too. Did he teach you the secret to acne? He's REALLY smart too. I would ask him but he really doesn't like me or cats or birds and most times my daddy.

She told me that she could not explain the acne secret to me and that it really must be experienced (mommy had to spell that word for me). After she pointed out that part of your message about "tingle all over", she said "that girl knows her stuff son. Get her number and she'll teach you the acne secret".

Can you, pretty please? I really want to be smart like my daddy and granddaddy.

But one word I really was having a problem with was "underware". I asked mommy if that was like tupperware. All she would say was "after she teaches you the acne secret maybe she can host a underware party for your daddy" If you do, can I come to the party? I like parties!

I asked mommy about daddy getting his brains sucked out, but she not to worry he had plenty more where that came from. So I'm not going to worry about that right now.

Okie Dokey, I gotta go now!

BYE

P. S. You never told me if you like owls. Do you not like owls? I think owls are cool because they have BIG eyes!
UW, I'm so sorry to cause such confusion to your young, litle mind. Yes, it's true, underware is a much tougher, coated form of clothing in which to keep your brians. Underwear, on the otherhand is a perfectly safe place for the male brain. Your granddaddy probably already knows that because he's so smart and has such an eloquent way of letting everybody know. He must be the most favorite granddaddy ever! He's tough as nails too because all the grief your daddy gives him doesn't seem to bother him a bit. Your daddy however, now that's one smart fellow. He's already taught you how to share, he spends quality time with you, goes out of his way to show you how to clothe poor tour guides, spends lavishly on his wonderful son and seems to have a great desire to choose wisely the friends you learn from. It's special to learn about the orphans at such a young age.

Your mommy is correct about the acne secret needing to be "experienced." The only problem is that I don't have acne so that would be a wasted experience for you -- wouldn't help that acne riddled little face one bit. Maybe one of granddady's friends could help you out.

Talk to you soon.

WesternOne
Dear Ms. Western,

It was hard for me to understand your message. I'm a little slow you know.

But I think what you are saying is you don't like owls. Is that true? That's okay. Mommy said you don't have to like owls to help me understand the secret of acne. So could you please think about that for a little bit.

Yes my daddy is a good man. He loves me very much and I love him a whole lot! He is very good to me. Next week he and Mr. Slim are going to carry me to California to meet the poor orphan girls from Minnesota. Mr. Slim said they need new boots for the cold California winter. He is such a caring man. The orphans are very lucky to have him looking after them.

Okie Dokie I gotta go now.

BYE!
Dear Ms. Western,

I'm sorry I did not see your other message. But I see you do not like owls. That's okay.

I told mommy what you said about the sporting goods store, but I think I must have scared her. She spit her beer clear across the room.

But she did tell me to tell you that I take after my daddy and he is a bat man at the sporting goods store. I really don't know what that means I'm a little slow you know.

I thought bat man was a comic book, but mommy said this is a different kind of bat man. I am glad to know where my daddy works now.

But I really don't like bats so I guess that's why he's never told me about his job. I like owls though. They have BIG eyes.

Okie Dokie gotta go
BYE!!
UW, you go spend the night at a Holiday Inn Express tonight and see if that will help speed up your slowness. Look for the one with the big truck with a flat tire and half a ford ranger under it. See if you can get a room next to Mommy. If that doesn't help I'll try to gather travel information to send you to Cali so Slim can introduce you to the orphans... I hear none of them have an acne problem.

Sleep tight young 'un.
Dear Ms. Western,

I will take your advice under consideration (Mommy helped me spell that word). Mommy said to tell you that it is my step mother that runs around with Mr. Elb, but they don't go to a Holiday Inn Express.

Is the Holiday Inn Express where you learned the secret to Acne? If so, I will go just as soon as I can. I really want to learn the secret to acne so I can be as smart as my daddy and granddaddy.

Okie Dokey, gotta go
BYE
Dear Ms. Canade,

Thank you for your advice, but is that the true secret to acne? I really want to be as smart as my daddy and my grandaddy so I think it behoofs (my granddaddy taught me that word, I really don't know what it means I'm a little slow you know) me to learn the true secret of acne.

If not, and if Ms Western can't find time to teach me the true secret of acne, do you think that you could? Please, pretty please!!!!

Okey Dokie I gotta go.
BYE!
Poor little feller. He don't really have acne. He was just born so dang ugly. He was so ugly the doctor put him in an incubator with tinted windows. He asked me and his momma why people looked at him and said ewwww. We told him it was his acne. I got to take him tommorow to get new glasses. That will be another $2500. His eyes are so far apart he has to have frames special made. Thank you so much for being nice to my little boy. Clint, the wife says hey.

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