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SEATTLE, WA — Amazon employee Emily Thomas began to wonder this morning if the company offering to pay to kill her child really had her best interest in mind.

"I just don't know if murdering kids to make female employees more productive is really what's best for women," said Mrs. Thomas. "Maybe I'd believe them more if they at least let us have bathroom breaks. But my boss always says, 'No potty break unless it's for an abortion!'"

After the Supreme Court ruling overturning Roe v. Wade, several major corporations announced large cash prizes for women who would still travel to obtain an abortion. "It's true that ultimately, paying women to get an abortion is way cheaper than paying for maternity leave or losing that employee should they choose to stay home with their kids," said Amazon manager Martin Solter. "Which is why here at Amazon, we are generously offering to throw in a free trip to Disney for each abortion our employees get! We will also be introducing a rewards program where women can earn even bigger prizes for getting multiple abortions."

In spite of the company's great generosity, women like Mrs. Thomas still had second thoughts. "I began to suspect Amazon's intentions when they also began offering cash bonuses to abandon any children you may already have," said Mrs. Thomas. "I'm just not completely convinced that's really what being 'pro-woman' is all about."

At publishing time, Amazon had announced they would also begin offering women free mastectomies, and incidentally would no longer allow employees breaks for breastfeeding.

Babylon Bee

Desperation met stupidity on the corner of bad luck and despair, and the democratic party was born.

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Screaming Liberals Run In Terror As Pride Flags Replaced With American Flags

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U.S. — With Pride Month ending and July 4th around the corner, millions of rainbow flags across the country are being taken down and replaced with American flags, causing liberals to scream and run away in terror.

"AAAHHHHHHHHHH!" said Mamby Mcdibbles, (he/him) as he stepped out of his apartment to be greeted by hundreds of red, white, and blue flags. "I don't feel safe! I DON'T FEEL SAFE!"

Sociologists agree that while the Pride flag is about acceptance, love, and family-friendly drag shows, the American flag is an ominous symbol of oppression. "We urge all allies to stay indoors during this extremely triggering week," said sociologist and ally Dr. Bork Sortblatt. "You and your comrades should remain huddled in a windowless bathroom and cover yourselves with a blanket while taking extra Xanax until this dark time has passed."

When reached for comment, America's conservatives said: "LOL look at them snowflakes run! Y'all git! Yeehaw!"

At publishing time, Biden also hid in his bathroom under a blanket but for reasons unrelated to the American flag.

Last edited by giftedamateur

12-Year-Old Incest Victims Should Birth Dad’s Child, House Speaker Gunn Says

https://www.mississippifreepre...se-speaker-gunn-says

"the legislature's appetite"

“What about the case of a 12-year-old girl who was molested by her father or uncle?” Associated Press reporter Emily Wagster Pettus asked the Republican speaker on the Mississippi House floor on Friday, June 24.

Gunn said he did not know “what the Legislature’s appetite” would be for ensuring child rape and incest victims could obtain abortions. The state’s 15-week abortion ban does not include rape exceptions, but a 2007 Roe v. Wade trigger law that could become effective soon would allow rape exceptions early in a pregnancy only if the rape was reported to law enforcement—which does not happen in most incest cases.

“No, (the law) does not include an exception for incest,” Gunn said. “I don’t know that that will be changed.”


“So that 12-year-old child molested by her family members should carry that pregnancy to term?” he asked.

“That is my personal belief. I believe life begins at conception,” Gunn said.

if you pay attention, satire or not, the wingnuts always tell on themselves

Gunn Wants to ‘Keep People Off’ Medicaid

Gunn, the past chairman of the board of the right-wing American Legislative Exchange Council, has long opposed expanding Medicaid broadly in the state, not just postpartum coverage. Studies estimate that as many as 300,000 working Mississippians who make too much for traditional Medicaid but not enough to afford health insurance could gain health-care access if the state accepted billions from the federal government to expand the program.

“As I’ve said very publicly, I’m opposed to Medicaid expansion,” Gunn told the AP on March 9, erroneously conflating general Medicaid expansion with the targeted postpartum extension. “We need to look for ways to keep people off, not put them on.”

SEATTLE, WA — Amazon employee Emily Thomas began to wonder this morning if the company offering to pay to kill her child really had her best interest in mind.

"I just don't know if murdering kids to make female employees more productive is really what's best for women," said Mrs. Thomas. "Maybe I'd believe them more if they at least let us have bathroom breaks. But my boss always says, 'No potty break unless it's for an abortion!'"

After the Supreme Court ruling overturning Roe v. Wade, several major corporations announced large cash prizes for women who would still travel to obtain an abortion. "It's true that ultimately, paying women to get an abortion is way cheaper than paying for maternity leave or losing that employee should they choose to stay home with their kids," said Amazon manager Martin Solter. "Which is why here at Amazon, we are generously offering to throw in a free trip to Disney for each abortion our employees get! We will also be introducing a rewards program where women can earn even bigger prizes for getting multiple abortions."

In spite of the company's great generosity, women like Mrs. Thomas still had second thoughts. "I began to suspect Amazon's intentions when they also began offering cash bonuses to abandon any children you may already have," said Mrs. Thomas. "I'm just not completely convinced that's really what being 'pro-woman' is all about."

At publishing time, Amazon had announced they would also begin offering women free mastectomies, and incidentally would no longer allow employees breaks for breastfeeding.

Babylon Bee
@Naio posted:

if you pay attention, satire or not, the wingnuts always tell on themselves

Gunn Wants to ‘Keep People Off’ Medicaid

Gunn, the past chairman of the board of the right-wing American Legislative Exchange Council, has long opposed expanding Medicaid broadly in the state, not just postpartum coverage. Studies estimate that as many as 300,000 working Mississippians who make too much for traditional Medicaid but not enough to afford health insurance could gain health-care access if the state accepted billions from the federal government to expand the program.

“As I’ve said very publicly, I’m opposed to Medicaid expansion,” Gunn told the AP on March 9, erroneously conflating general Medicaid expansion with the targeted postpartum extension. “We need to look for ways to keep people off, not put them on.”

Yep old man, you left wing nuts always tell on yourself.

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